Well, lets see. I made a steak today with two eggs and it was good. I have been trying to eat more fresh things and less fast food. I am feeling kind of down right now, not sure why. Nothing has changed. I guess I feel kind of alone.
I have a solid 3 friends. One on the east coast and two here on the west coast-one of which came from the east coast for college. It is funny, the one that came from the east was introduced by someone supposed to be my "best friend", but we have grown apart. I now loathe talking to that guy, so immature and an ass.
I mentioned Marie and Beth as ladies in my past. Well lately there has been a strange development. Both of them seemed to have stopped all communication with me for reasons that remain unclear. However, I know this girl from my old town, one of my former schoolmates/friends was obsessed with her and she was not into it. years later, she began dating another mutual friend, that soon ended and we have begun now talking. we are getting sort of intimate, as far as long distance digital relationships go. Now don't get me wrong, i do know her and we have spent some time together, but not in a "more than friends" capacity. we keep saying we care for each other, but it is fake, just sort of a cute game. I don't mean half the things I tell her and I am sure it is the same way on her end. She is cute though, and lately I find myself thinking of her in that special way. I do not know her very well. I just get this feeling that we are going to end up with each other in the end, I don't think I want that. then again I have no options, I know I am a young guy and have the whole world ahead of me. I feel like my wife I should nail down early, I feel it is getting too late to find someone special. For future reference, I will refer to this woman as "Amy".
In that resect I have been wise beyond my years. Since I was around 15 or 16 I have had this sense of, readiness, or Paternal feeling. I have sort of longed for someone to be my better half. It scares me, definitely.
My feelings for Marie hit with waves of intensity, one day I will think about her at a minimum and other days, I am filled with a new sort of Hope or good feeling about her. Thinking about her in a more intense fashion.
In other news, Right now I am listening to "No easy way out" from the Rocky IV soundtrack, actual artist escapes my mind right now. It sort of reflects my mood.
I love cooking and as I said I made steak and eggs today. It was good, I used a NY sirloin cut, seared it in an oiled skillet to form a light crust on either side. Then I seasoned it with White Pepper, Himalayan Sea Salt and Dried Thyme before cooking. I then broiled it on High for about 5 minutes. The cut was so thin, flipping it was not necessary. The Eggs, I cooked in the same skillet, and seasoned lightly with the same spices/ingredients. My steak was cooked medium to well, but prefer medium to rare. Being a thinner cut of meat, it cooked faster than had intended for. Next round, less time in the broiler.
I want to better my knife skills in the kitchen, I am not a professional or trained chef so I can not chop stuff like the big chefs as seen on Iron Chef America*, my favorite television program. You will notice that I use few to no conjunctions, such as can't or won't. This is because I dislike them, I find them sloppy and lazy use of vocabulary. I am not particularly good at grammar either, I just dislike them.
I would like to purchase soon, a new large Bamboo cutting board, and a Global By Yoshikin Japanese stainless steel, full tang, perfectly balanced knife set. Particularly the Heavyweight 6 inch chef knife and the heavyweight 8 inch Vegetable knife. Sometimes I just gotta have the toys to make myself happy. Non sexual way.
I am sort of materialistic. I like things, very much. specific things, I spend great deals-vast amounts of my time researching options and the best products for my specific sick, obsessive compulsive needs.
This I have done, so such an existent, that In the future, (financial status pending) will have a very custom home. I know what will go in it, all the way down to the wiring and insulation. No where in the structure is there wood, with the exemption of doors, floor tiles*, and cabinet/counter framing. Everything else is steel re-enforced concrete. The design is a Monolithic dome, they are totally Hurricane proof, earthquake proof, fireproof, tornado proof, and its lifespan is measured in centuries-not decades.They cost a fraction to insure as opposed to a conventional home and are nearly identical inside in terms of luxury. It would consist of probably 2 floors (7100s ft total). They cannot burn, rot or be eaten by bugs.
I am alone right now, and I feel it. I have 3 friends. Sometimes they ignore me, it does not seem like they are my true friends, I only see them once per week. My east coast friend I see only a few days per year now. I speak to him on the telephone on average one time per month.
I am in my bedroom. I sleep on a semi box spring in the corner of the room on the floor with blankets and pillows. I am Poor right now. Unemployed for the past 6 months. My parents pay my expenses right now, because I am still young and unable to provide for myself in these harsh times.
More on that later.
I wonder if Anyone Anywhere reads this? I even on here, I feel abandoned. It is therapeutic though, just letting this out. I do not expect anyone ever to read this.
I do not want those close to me to even know about this blog, I am strangely private. I know, I know, then why the hell am I spouting all my deepest secrets and thoughts on the web for all to see. Well, I hope it is anonymous. It is for my mental health, if those close to me knew, then they may know whom some of the people are in the posts that I have spoken about. I fear they will use that information to annoy me, or tell people things that I wish them to not know. I know some very immature people and they could use this information to tease me, or do harm to me in some way. I can not trust anyone.
I barley trust myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment